Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Bitterness

Exactly 2 weeks ago, I thought I was having a pretty bad day already as I was feeling really unwell. Just when I thought the day couldn't get any more worst, it did. Just that it got worst without me realising it till a much later day.

The very day when I have decided that it's time I took another step and share something with someone really special, something I do not share with anyone no matter how bad the condition was. I decided to wait till the end of the day to share it as that's when most people feels better to talk about things. Little did I expect that the step I took that day lead me to regrets and a greater heartbreak.

Upon knowing what has made the day worst, I had to struggle with my own emotions, I had to fight my feelings, I had to fight myself and also having to fight my heart that went cold. I'm afraid whenever my heart starts to turns cold. It's just like a block of ice, heartless & cold. I might not feel any emotions, or maybe just the minimum. I kept telling myself that I do not want to reach that stage.

Now that 2 weeks has past, why is it that the heartbreak, the bitterness and the tears are still around? I thought I could look past it like anything that has happened in the past but it was so hard. I tried, not that I didn't try to look past it, but whenever I have to take a larger step in crossing the margin that I've set up, I fell back again.

I have to let my mind fight my heart for as long as this goes on. 
The painful war going on within me that is unspeakable.

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vexed, a sea nourished with loving tears.
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet.
- William Shakespeare

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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

2 people, adapting, adopting, trusting

At different phase of life, we meet different people. Some might mean a lot to us, while some are just passerby. As time goes by, no matter if they are passerby or if they are staying, people will change. 

People change to adapt to people around them, the society that they live in, the environment they live. Slowly, while adapting to everything around us, we change bit by bit and many does not realise it. While adapting to the person around you, you tend to pick up what they do unknowingly. Slowly their habits became yours. The way they talk and the way they think, slowly has a little trait of whom they are with. 

 When 2 people are together, trying to share their life with one another, they tend to miss out that they are actually adopting each other's habits. When she talks, you might see a little of the man she's with in her. When she thinks, you might see a little of how her man would think. Slowly, her habits change to be like her man, like the way she talks, the way she sees things, they way she understand things. As for the other half, he might be seeing things how she sees which he don't use to. He might be talking like how she's talking. He might be replying her like how she would reply him. 

 After a period of time, we see these changes, showing that 2 people are influenced by one another. It might be just a little, might be a lot, but accept the fact that he or she is now in you too. One day, you might turn back at look at how you were before being together with that special someone and realise that was quite a big difference from who you are now. I'm not saying that only your other half would influence you, anyone who you spend a substantial amount of time with would. It may be your colleagues, your close buddies, your family or anyone who you spend time with. 

 We rarely realise that we change, we're changing to adapt to who we spend our time with. This may be wanting to know the person whom we are spending our time better, we want to know how they think, how they see things and without knowing it, we stepped into their shoe, see things from their view and slowly became closer to them. 

People do not always go ahead in their path. Sometimes we stop at where we were and think about which way to go. What is in our way? Is it fear? worries? love? guilt? or it could be anything else that's stopping you. If we do not cross it, it slowly eats us up from within. (I know some people who does not feel bad when they did something, so this might not apply to everyone) All this feelings also changes a person. It stops you in the way, while eating you up from inside and you have got to fight so fiercely before these elements in your way decide to give way or after you have won the battle. 

There are people whom I'm crazy about. Most of the time, it's my other half. I'll always want to know what is he doing, how is he feeling, how is he doing, is he ok, has he had his meal, is everything at work smooth for him, did he have enough rest the night before, is he being stressed out, does he need a break. This are just questions I ask myself everyday. When you know you want to know so much about someone, on a daily basis, you know you're crazy about them. They are the first person you think of when you're awake, the first whatsapp contact to check on when you're awake to see if they have already woken up according to their last seen online timing without texting them and for the whole day, you make sure that you phone is always with you so that you don't miss out on any of your special half's text message or call. This is where you know how much this person means to you. This is where you know you're addicted to your other half, and yes, I am. 

It's an addiction. You need to hear from this person and yet you dare not ask too much as you might think that he could be busy, is it the right time to text him now, what if he is in a meeting, what if he's not free now. Our concerns for the person grow deeper & deeper but at the same time our courage grew smaller. We tend to put our other half before everything, be it decision making or anything else. Before thinking about yourself, you would ask yourself if your other half would be ok with it. You no longer think much for yourself but everything you do revolves around your special half. We know that when this happens, he/she is our universe, he/she is our life, he/she is our strength to move on. 

As time goes by, we pick up our special's half little movement. A little twitch on his eyebrow and we know height not be feeling comfortable. A little hand gesture of his could tell us what he wants. When he doesn't speak, we know he's not ready to share it yet. How much of your partner's little habits did you realise? 

Many always say that relationships are built on trust. So what happens if trust is broken? Is the relationship broken too? Most of the time, yes. How do we repair it? I have no idea, anyone wanna share? But what we know is, when this trust is broken from your special half, we experience a excruciating pain in our broken heart. We would ask ourself if we want to go throughout that again. Will our other half do it again, what can I do to trust my other half again. Why does your other half have to break the trust, what is worth your other half breaking your trust for. Is your trust for him really that worthless? Many questions will run through your mind when you reach a stage like this. 

I know that valentine day has just past, and this post might be a little too heavy for a post valentine day post. But no matter which day has just past, we know that everyday someone would be going through the heart break, someone would be just getting into a relationship, someone might be suffering a broken heart or someone might be tying the knot. Everyday, tons & millions of people would be worrying & thinking about their special half. Where would you be on everyday that you past? 



Since I fell in love with you,
I can't stop thinking about you.
I just can't live without you,
I am crazy about you.
My love is just for you,
My love is you.


 

Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentine!

Happy Valentine to all the attached & singles out there.
A day to share your love, no matter if you're single or attached.
Have fun & share the love people! :D


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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Taiwan - Yang Ming Shan

I'll not be writing about the whole of my Taiwan trip over the Chinese New year as not the whole trip was enjoyable. But I did enjoy myself at some places :)
The oldies decide to visit Yang Ming Shan National Park (陽明山國家公園). It's a garden, full of many many many flowers! Not forgetting the Cherry Blossom that are going to be full blown in few weeks time.
The pictures shall do the talking on how the National Park looks like.



























Lastly, not to forget the cherry blossom!





And to end off, a photo of me with the cherry blossom in the background to show that I've really been there :p


If you're intending to go Taiwan during the flower season, do checkout what flower is it. You won't want to miss it as they bloom beautifully!
:)


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