Bitterness

Exactly 2 weeks ago, I thought I was having a pretty bad day already as I was feeling really unwell. Just when I thought the day couldn't get any more worst, it did. Just that it got worst without me realising it till a much later day.

The very day when I have decided that it's time I took another step and share something with someone really special, something I do not share with anyone no matter how bad the condition was. I decided to wait till the end of the day to share it as that's when most people feels better to talk about things. Little did I expect that the step I took that day lead me to regrets and a greater heartbreak.

Upon knowing what has made the day worst, I had to struggle with my own emotions, I had to fight my feelings, I had to fight myself and also having to fight my heart that went cold. I'm afraid whenever my heart starts to turns cold. It's just like a block of ice, heartless & cold. I might not feel any emotions, or maybe just the minimum. I kept telling myself that I do not want to reach that stage.
Now that 2 weeks has past, why is it that the heartbreak, the bitterness and the tears are still around? I thought I could look past it like anything that has happened in the past but it was so hard. I tried, not that I didn't try to look past it, but whenever I have to take a larger step in crossing the margin that I've set up, I fell back again.
I have to let my mind fight my heart for as long as this goes on.  The painful war going on within me that is unspeakable.

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;

Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;

Being vexed, a sea nourished with loving tears.

What is it else? A madness most discreet,

A choking gall, and a preserving sweet.

- William Shakespeare